The Right Time Is….. NOW!

“Mommy, where do babies come from?”

I think if Ladybug had to ask me that right now I would die, like literally fall over and die on the spot. But I know the question is coming, and it will be coming sooner than I think. She has already asked if she can have a brother and I managed to dodge too many questions when I told her that she already had a brother in Changkla (her bestie), but one day that wont be enough for her.

How do I handle the question when Ladybug asks? Do I feed her the white lie of the stork dropping a baby off or do I hit her with the truth and explain how boys and girls are different and go into the birds and bees talk? These things do cross my mind now, even though Ladybug is a toddler because lets face it society has changed, sex is everywhere. Sex sells. KIDS are becoming sexually active younger and younger.

It is no longer a criminal offence for children aged between 12 and 16 to engage in consensual sexual activities with each other. *pause a moment to let that sink in* 12…. 12… that’s not even a teenager yet. They can have consensual sex (as long as the person they are having sex with is not older than 16) but legally they can have sex. Personally, I would kill Ladybug 12 year old and her under 16 year old partner. At 12 kids aren’t even finished Primary School.

So when do you start “the talk”? With the above tidbit of information I think the sooner the better. Hells bells if they going to be legally sexually active from 12 then they should know all the fact LONG before that, but the tricky part comes in keeping it age appropriate. Having a game plan allows you to think carefully about the key points want your child to remember. This is most definitely not a once off, its a talk that is going to repeat itself again and again as they grow older and their questions become more detailed.

Durex are launching CONNECT-ED Buddy Programme – which part of Durex’s CONNECT-ED programme, a high school CSI (Corporate Social Investment) initiative, run in association with the Gauteng Department of Education.The CONNECT-ED Buddy is a sexual health counsellor available online and provides anonymity and confidentiality and answer all your questions.

Durex are looking for parents input, they want to know what questions you have or your children have about sex. Your questions, and advice from CONNECT-ED Buddy could be published or talked about in newspapers and radio. So, it doesn’t matter if you think your child is too young or that your questions are quite specific to your situation, they just want to able to get expert answers and advice to all your questions and concerns on this important matter. The aim here is to empower not only you but your children with the relevant information for now and the future.

So to lets get involved.

I want to know, what worries you the most when it comes to your child’s sexual education? What would your top questions be in regards to:
• Talking to your children about sex;
• Questions you are scared to ask your children when it comes to sex;
• The details of their sexual activities; and
• Communicating your concerns around sex, etc.

Send me your thoughts and questions via the comments section below – or you can mail them to me here so I can forward them on. Durex will have CONNECT-ED Buddy answer all your questions.

You have until the 7th of September to send me your thoughts and questions. If you send me your comments and questions you could will win a ‘Birds and the bees toolkit’ worth R 1000 and they might just throw in some sexy goodies for the parents to enjoy too.

xoxox

In partnership with Durex

And I Wonder, I Wa-Wa-Wa-Wa-Wonder

Wonder weeks… Although they are typically for infant development, I have noticed they continue with Ladybug now that she is a toddler. They are the weeks where I completely understand why some mothers consider murder. I also now completely understand the term “Driving me to Drink”. Unfortunately Ladybug planned her “Wonder Week” right during my stressful week of the month, payroll week. I have also noticed that they have got worse and worse the older she has got, this time I actually had to call in for reinforcements. The phone call went along these lines:
Me: I know you looking after your Granddaughter on Saturday Morning, but are you able to look after her from Friday night by any chance?
Sanma: Sorry we busy
Me: Are you busy on Monday?
Sanma: No why?
Me: Are you able to attend your Grandchild’s Funeral?
Sanma: We can look after her on Friday night. Would you like us to fetch her from school tomorrow too?
And just like that I had renewed energy to get through a week from hell. Ladybug was Jekyll and Hyde the entire week and the slightest thing would set her off. She asked if she could have icecream and I said yes which apparently was the wrong thing to say so she had a meltdown for 45 mins because I said she could have ice cream… 45 mins because I said yes! It was at this point when the rescue phone call was made, I just couldn’t anymore. I was ready to climb into bed at 18h00 every night, 1 h30 minutes and Jekyll and Hyde had worn me out.

But with a little bit of intervention we made it through, we both made it through alive (although it was touch and go for me when my car argued with a tree and a wet road – the tree won). Then I waited, I waited to see what the “reward” was for surviving hell. It generally takes a week with Ladybug then you can see the results. The results this time have had me in awe, in tears and beaming with pride as well.

Ladybug has taken a giant leap towards being a human. Her independence level has grown so much. She no longer wants me to walk her into school. She is 3 years old and tells me “I go into school by myself Mommy because Im a big girl” and just like that I get kissed goodbye at the car and off she goes, by herself, into the school. I had a huge lump in my throat for the first two mornings, but I didn’t shed a tear. I wept silently inside for hours!

In the mornings Ladybug “helps me” with packing her lunch, it was more of a dictatorship she had going. She would tell me what she did or didn’t like and what she would and would not eat at school. This week, she got her stool, opened the fridge and got out all the things that she needed to get out for her lunch – Viennas, Bread, Butter and fruit. I was instructed to get a knife and the Nutella. She spread the Nutella on the bread with minimal help from me. I found myself catching my breath as I watched this happening and I had to fight back the tears. My little Ladybug would soon be able to make me breakfast in bed *score*

The other concept she has grasped amazingly is her reward chart. She tries really hard to get her stickers every day. Some are easy for her to get, some she needs to work a little harder on.
• Brush her teeth
• Sleep in her own bed the whole night
• Tidy up her toys
• Take her bags in from the car
• Help Mommy
• Don’t cry when getting her hair brushed
• Listen to Mommy
Because she is working to getting her stars every day I have the best Mommy’s Helper in the world at home; she helps with everything, fetching ingredients to cook, putting her clothes in the washing, taking plates to the kitchen and she beams with pride when she does this because she gets a sticker. When she wakes up in the morning, there are smiles and proudly tells me “Mommy I slept in my bed the WHOLE night”. We have had no tears with her hair for 2 weeks now… this is a record!!!!

Another thing I have noticed is that her imagination has grown as well. She is able to play by herself for hours now. She dresses up and plays with her babies and actually interacts with them. I have redone her playroom and she is loving the fact that all her dress up things are easily accessible to her and she tidies up afterwards too!
Dress Up Playroom

I really hope the next developmental leap in Ladybugs life happens in the distant future, I need time to recover from this one and I need time to come to terms that my baby is not actually a baby anymore, she is soon not a Toddler either. We are heading closer and closer to her being a child… I don’t know if I am ready for that just yet!

xoxox

{Congratulations} The Winners Are…

So Ladybug did a very scientific means of drawing the winners for the Descendants Give-Away – unfortunately there is no photographic evidence as this scientific means required Mommy following her around the house as she drew names, Im sure it was quiet comical to watch from an outsiders point of view.

Anyway onto the announcement…

Winners Announcement

Congratulations to the following 3 people (and their plus 3s):
MeeA
Jimmy (kudos to a Dad entering for his girls)
Danielle

If I haven’t contacted you yet, please pop me an email so I can send you the details of the screening for next weekend.

xoxox

Being a Daddy Comes from the Heart

The one thing I really admire my mother for is that she never spoke ill of my father in front of us kids while we were growing up. She allowed us to form our own relationships with him, based on our feelings, not her feelings projected onto us. I know this wasn’t easy for her, and it’s something I promised myself I would do for Ladybug. I promised that I would not speak ill or bad mouth her father to her or in front of her, which is proving to be harder and harder as the years go on. So this is my venting post, its not often I do one, but its something that has been burning me up inside and now Im putting it out there in the interwebs because I cant keep it bottled up inside anymore. One day when Ladybug goes back and reads this blog about her life, I hope she understands.

Ladybugs Father has never been involved in her life, despite promises being made, he does not contribute to her life at all, be it time or monetary. When I was pregnant he was all keen to come to my checkups to show his “willingness” to be involved. I made sure my checkups were on a Friday afternoon, as late as they could be – he didn’t show up to one of them. (Maybe I should rewind a little and say that Ladybugs Father and I were not together at this stage, I had ended our relationship when I was 8 weeks pregnant but we remained friends, there was no resentment between us). The first time he met Ladybug, she was a week old already.

First Meeting

The first night he met her, also the first photo he took of Ladybug

As the year progressed he saw her maybe once a month, maybe once every second month, the visits became progressively less and less. A Wednesday night, was our “slot” which really didn’t leave much time for him to get to spend time with her. Generally it would be a quick 30 minute visit then bed time for her and we would catch up on life. Let me give him credit where credit is due, he has been watching her grow up through Facebook, the Whatsapp pictures and comments I send him and he has been to all her birthday parties, he also helped us move in June last year and he helped with my Telkom line issues I had.

There have been promises made of joining us on weekends away so that he can spend time with us and really get to know Ladybug, empty promises… none ever materialized. In May last year when one of the empty promises weren’t kept (again) I requested a meeting with him and really pointed out some hard facts to him, like the fact that he had seen his daughter ONCE (for her birthday) in 9 months which was not OK. She was getting to an age where she was forming relationships with people and he needed to decide if he was in or out. He made the choice, he choose to be in and be part of her life, I never asked him or expected him to be part of her life, he chose to be there. He promised to see her at least once a week; that lasted one week. Then it was once a month; that lasted a month and again we were back to sporadic visits. From November to early February he never saw her – sure we were in Australia, for 3 weeks and he was away over Christmas but it was almost 4 months he never saw her.

The end of February was a huge turning point in our lives, he told his kids about their 3 year old half-sister. Suddenly it made sense to them why they came to her birthday parties and that she wasn’t some random person, Ladybug was family. 1st March 2015 was the last time Ladybug saw her half-sister. 16th June 2014 was the last time Ladybug saw her half-brother. Because the decision was made to tell the older kids, I prepped Ladybug, I explained to her that she has a Sussie and a Boetie, she knows they live in the Pretoria house, she knows who her Daddy is (because I show her photos on whatsapp and facebook), she knows he lives in the Pretoria House, she proudly told EVERYONE at her birthday party that “This is MY Daddy”. In April I asked him to join us in Cape Town for the Two Oceans weekend. I thought this would be an awesome opportunity for him to bond with his daughter, and also for him to see his family. He decided to tell his family about Ladybug in April… “Surprise you have a 3 year old Grandchild”. She met her Ouma and Oupa as well as some cousins and an Aunt, we explored Cape Town and I thought the plan had worked.

Cape Town 2015

That, my dear fellow humans, was the last time he saw his daughter. He ditched his son’s 13th Birthday to go to Cape Town with his “now not so secret” daughter (something I was not impressed with at all and only discovered while sitting on the plane – if I had known before I would have never allowed that to happen and I would have stuck to my original Cape Town plans). He has tried to see her twice since then, but both requests were for the day she had her op – which I declined because well hell Ladybug would have just come out of surgery that day and I wasn’t sure how she would be (it is the only time I have declined him visiting her…. EVER).

We are now sitting at 4 months and 1 week that he has not seen his daughter. When I pointed this out to him about 3 weeks ago that he hadn’t seen her since Easter a whole bunch of excuses were given but no action was taken to actually see her, I think at some stage he tried to blame me for not coming to Pretoria 2 days after my Grandfather had passed away as to why he hadn’t seen her in 4 months. It’s not like he lives in Cape Town or Durban, he lives in Pretoria, he travels through to Randburg every weekend, sometimes twice a weekend, but he can’t make the effort to see Ladybug.

After 4 years of trying, I am now giving up. Im done trying to forge a relationship where one of the parties concerned is not interested at all. The other party concerned in this relationship is however asking now “Why doesn’t my Daddy see me” “My Daddys is not my friend Mommy” “Mommy where is the Pretoria house?” and the one that broke my heart “Mommy my Daddy never ever loves me” What do I tell Ladybug? I would love to answer “Sorry my love you just not important enough in your Daddy’s life for him to actually make some sort of effort to get to know the awesomeness that is you” but that would be putting him down in front of her and I promised myself I would never speak badly of him to her. So instead I just change the topic or tell her that he is busy.

It breaks my heart that this beautiful soul will never know her father and that she will never form a relationship with him. Not because of me, not because of my lack of trying, but because he just couldn’t be bothered! She adores him, she craves his attention, she craves his approval, he’s her Daddy and she will always have a soft spot for him.

Daddy Idealization

I can never flat out refuse him access to her, but Im not exactly going to go out of my way to make sure he sees her or contacts her. Im done, Im calling it quits. At some point a person has to stop flogging a dead horse. Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a Daddy, any fool can make a baby. Ladybug doesn’t have a Daddy, but she has one kick ass Mommy who will never let her down, who will always be there and who will love her to the end of days!

Any Fool Can Make a Baby

xoxox

{Give-Away} Disney’s Descendants Movie is Ready to Tell the Tale of the Notorious Villains Offspring

Today is awesome! I get to combine two of my favourite things… giving stuff away and Disney!

logo

Ever wondered what happened to the Villains after the “Happily ever after” story finished? Life carried on, they carried on living and had children of their own. Now the teenage children of Disney’s most notorious villains are ready to hit the big screen in a contemporary, music-driven story about the challenges adolescent offspring face in living up to parental and peer expectations.

“The story is set in the idyllic kingdom of Auradon where Ben, the benevolent teenaged son of the King and Queen (Beast and Belle from “Beauty and the Beast”) is poised to take the throne. His first proclamation: offer a chance at redemption to Mal, Evie, Carlos and Jay, the trouble-making offspring of Maleficent, the Evil Queen, Cruella de Vil and Jafar who have been imprisoned on the forbidden Isle of the Lost for 20 years. These villainous descendants are allowed into Auradon for the first time to attend prep school alongside the teenage progeny of Fairy Godmother, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty and Mulan. Only time will tell if these evil teens follow in the footsteps of their wicked parents!”

Trailer

Now to my favourite part, the part where I give stuff away … I have 3 sets of 4 tickets up for grabs to the screening of Descendants. Here’s what you need to do:

  1. Make sure you (and your plus 3) are available on in the morning of the 22 August 2015 (The movie starts at 10h00)
  2. Make sure you (and your plus 3) are in Gauteng and able to get to Johannesburg for the Screening
  3. Leave a comment below before 12h00 on Saturday the 15th August to be entered into the draw

The draw will happen on Sunday, where Ladybug will very scientifically pull 3 names for the prize. The winners will be notified by mail and given all the details – the winners will be published on the blog on Monday.

*The tickets cannot be exchanged for cash and the time and date of the screening cannot be changed– sorry*

xoxox

I Drank My Tired Away

I have suffered from being tired for years, Im not talking about the “I was up last night so Im tired today tired” Im talking about the tired where even your tired is tired. The first time we started treating this was when I was in Grade 8 (13 years old) it was the first time I noticed it, who knows it could have been around for years before that. As the years have gone on, it has become clearer that I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS), but the problem is there is no treatment for it – you can individually treat different aspects of it, the Iron Deficiency, the Low blood sugar (Borderline hypoglycaemia), Low blood pressure (Borderline hypotension), the Stress, the Depression but in my case Im not in a Chronic phase of all of those, Im just borderline so I have to remain tired. Getting enough sleep would seem like the logical option, but I am in bed asleep most nights by 20h00 and I wake up at 05h00 exhausted! The days when I am not tired I get excited, and that’s what happened last week.

I ventured on a Juice cleanse by the Juiced Co. I went with the 3 Day What a Weekend Cleanse (times 2 – so in theory a 6 day cleanse). The What a Weekend is ideal for those looking for maximum results in the shortest possible time. Its for Green Juice Lovers – I decided to go for this cleanse because the green juice is filled with all the things my Iron Deficiency needs.

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So what do you get in your neatly packaged polystyrene cooler box (which can be delivered to you or collected) You get 5 X 500ml juices daily, Two herbal teas daily, Wheatgrass or apple/ginger shot daily and a schedule, which you can pop on your fridge, detailing what to drink and when.

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Day 1: I was amped about Day one. I had defrosted the juiced the night before, I was prepped. The schedule was in my office, on my fridge and on my phone. There was no ways I was going to let the cleanse get the better of me. I was prepared for the headaches, I was prepared for the hunger, I was prepared for the laughter and comments of insanity by my colleagues. I was prepared for the awful tasting juices.

To my surprise, Day 1 went really well. Everyone that knew at work thought I was insane, completely mad – perhaps they were right, but I was doing this. The headaches weren’t happening, the hunger wasn’t happening. In fact I didn’t finish the last juice at dinner time because I simply wasn’t hungry. I was pleasantly surprised that the awful tasting juices actually weren’t awful at all – they were drinkable, almost enjoyable!

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Day 2: Armed with my cooler bag at work, Day 2 was on the go. I did change the schedule a bit to be honest, I moved everything up by an hour, but that is simply because my normal hours (ie work) is an hour earlier than the average Joe out there. By moving everything forward an hour worked for me. I moved offices on Friday so did a lot of physical work, and surprisingly I had energy to do this. Still no headaches, still no hunger.

Day 3: That moment you realize you on day 3 of a potential 6 Day cleanse and a Saturday of a long weekend! *palm face* but I stuck to it because I was 3kgs down already and plenty cms around my ever expanding waist line! I wont lie I battled with running around on the weekend, kiddies birthday parties at Mc Donald’s don’t really bode well during a Cleanse, but I stayed strong. Again I didn’t have any headaches, but shooo did I battle with the Green Juice!

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I gave up at the end of Day 3. I decided for me its easier for me to do a 3 day cleanse during the week preferably when there are no kiddies birthday parties or long weekends! What I did notice though, and which is why I started with explaining my CFS is that I wasn’t tired. Not on any of the days. My tired wasnt tired which is a first in a very long time (as I am blogging this my tired is so tired a 3 day sleep cleanse is needed). I did a lot during the 3 days, I spring cleaned Ladybug’s bedroom, her cupboard, her playroom, reorganized the playroom, this was all while I did the normal things like move offices at work, go to work, go to Physio, do a Kiddies Birthday Party, Blog and be Mommy. My energy levels were amazing! I didn’t feel hungry once during the Cleanse and I didnt have any headaches.

On the plus side I was 4kgs down on day 4, a ton of cms and feeling great. Now don’t get me wrong, I have about 100kgs to loose which is why I lost so much in the 3 days, it might not be the same results for everyone that does the cleanse. If you are interested in juicing, pop on over to Juiced Co and have a look around their site and see what works best for you. Im glad I tried the Cleanse and I will definitely be doing the next 3 Day cleanse soon.

xoxox

This is not a sponsored post, nor was I paid for the post, this is something I did because I am amazed at how I felt while on the cleanse and after all, sharing is caring and Im sharing the love!

Things I Have Done As A Parent That I Am Starting To Regret

I try not live with regret, but lets be honest there are things we do that later on come to bite us in the ass, and it doesn’t matter if we did them with good intention they still bite us in the ass! There are a few things that I have done with Ladybug that well I am beginning to regret!

Ladybug still has a bottle at night, when she goes to bed, its part of her routine. So being a nice Mommy I decided to warm her bottle up on those cold nights just to give her a little bit of warmth in her tummy before she nods off to dreamland. Well, I now regret that, because Princess Ladybug will not take a cold bottle now. I need to warm it up. She has even told me “Mommy feel the bottom, is it warm?…. No!”

Sticking with the nice Mommy theme, Ladybug loves her bath time, she always has. Its her time, her space and she can recharge and relax in the bath. We have an old house, and with an old house, comes an old ceramic bath which means that the hot water doesn’t always stay hot in the bath. Every now and then if she is engrossed in her game she is playing, I will go and top up the hot water in the bath… why because I am a nice Mommy and I don’t want her lips to turn blue. The other night, she was playing so nicely (and I was using the time in the bath to clean up her playroom without her help), I topped up the water twice. When I went into the bath to now try get her out, I mistakenly told her to get out the bath before she gets too cold. I was told “Its ok Mommy, you can just put bigger (lots) hot water in and I won’t be cold”

I have taught Ladybug that each day of the week means something – I did this in hopes that I could get her to sleep in on a Saturday morning – fat chance! She knows that Saturday Morning we Skype Granny (in Australia) some mornings she has woken up at 4am excited to Skype Granny because she learnt a new song she NEEDS to sing to Granny. She knows that Sunday is Grandads Hockey Day (He Umpires Hockey and we tend to go shopping with Sanma) this past weekend she nagged and nagged to go play hockey with Grandad, “Because Mommy its Sunday and its Hockey day now!”

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Because there is only the two of us at home, I expect Ladybug to help me with things. Its also part of her learning responsibility and if I start now, it will become the norm and she will just do it. After dinner, she takes my plate to the kitchen when we have finished eating – she takes mine, but what take her plate go figure – Im sure when a plate or a cup come crashing down on the tiled floor Im going to regret this lesson, but until that happens I will carry on allowing her to help.

I am beginning to regret the night time routine I implemented to get Ladybug to sleep in her own bed. The Monster Spray is now taking at least 5 mins, there are monsters in the oddest of places – I have at least a dozen monsters on my shoulders and head and back – and sometimes I get called back to spray a monster because it was hiding when I sprayed the first time round, but it does get Ladybug to sleep in her own bed and it does make her feel safe in her bed.

These are just a few of the things I have done as a Mom that are have started biting me in the ass, or are going to bite me in the ass, but I must be honest, I wouldn’t change a single one for the world. Yes, this is a list of the things that I am starting to regret, or will regret when a plate is broken, but this list is short compared to the list of things that I have gained beyond my wildest dreams.

xoxox