The Day My Heart Started Beating Outside My Body…
1st March 2012, the day my life changed forever, the day my heart started beating and breathing outside my body, the day I became a WE, the day I was given my very own piece of heaven on earth and the day my Ladybug was born.
My Madame was quiet relaxed and chilled and showed no signs of making her arrival on her own. On the 28th February we had our final check up with our Midwives and my room was booked for the 1st March to serve eviction notice to Madame at 09h00. There was no ways I was going to get induced on the 29th February, I mean shame man my child will have enough psychological issues having me as a mother she didn’t need being born on the 29th as well. I spent the 29th February getting the last things ready, enjoying my last day of not being a Human Mommy. I fussed over the Furbabies, bathed them, spoilt them and loved them the whole day.
Thursday morning I woke up, had breakfast then Helen and myself headed off to Genesis, to check into the Baby Hotel and have me a Baby. Sage, Room 7 (my lucky number) was to be my home for the next few days. My blood pressure was taken (130/78) and I was put on a NST to check on Madame (every single piece of machinery didn’t work me that day, new machines had to be bought in every time). The first Gel induction was done at 09h30.
Aunty Wendy arrived with Kyle and they were there for the day (unknown to me that they had planned to be there), it was also Wendy’s Birthday (Yip I had planned to be induced on Wendy’s Birthday). One more check up by the Midwife and we were sent home, well out to Parkhurst for Lunch under the Talking Tree and told to report back at 16h00 for the next step, or sooner if things started happening. Unfortunately Lunch was pretty uneventful, even with the walking I was sent to do – Im sure the people at Nando’s thought I was mad walking round the block every 30 mins or so.
16h00 the troops arrived back at the Baby Hotel and things were now going to happen, I don’t think I was really prepared for how quickly, but they were going to happen. The Midwife broke my waters and hooked my up to an IV and FINAL Eviction Notice was served to Madame at 16h30! The next 3 hours were well, lets just say a blur.
I went from no contractions to contractions 5 mins apart in the space of 10 mins. I would just like to make one thing clear right now: there is ABSOLUTELY nothing glamorous about child birth or labour – NOTHING! Now Im sure its not the same for everyone, but Im a big sissie when it comes to pain – hell I cry if I stub my toe hard enough so now you can imagine why I say there is nothing glamorous about child birth or labour. At least I had Wendy, Helen, Cynthia (the AMAZING Doula at Genesis) and Pethidine to get me through it!
Pethidine, oh how I love thee, let me count the ways… Man oh man I have a new love and respect for Pethidine!
Ok back to the events of the day….
Just before the contractions started coming on thick and fast, the midwife came in to check that things were moving along nicely and that Madame was packing her bags and listening to her eviction notice, then I remember something said about 2am… A what? 2am delivery???… oh hell no!!! Thankfully Wendy and Helen were on the same page as me and they read my mind and they convinced the Midwife that there was no ways on this wonderful earth that we live on, that I was going to make it anywhere near 02h00, considering it was only just past 17h00 and I was ready to die! She listened to them and never switched the IV off so that sped things up.
Im not sure how long I was a super hero for, but it couldn’t have been long before I uttered the magic words “Give me DRUGS!!!” Enter my new best friend, Pethidine – in injection form nogal and I was as happy as well as a pig in shit! Somewhere between earth and cloud nine, Im sure that Wendy and Helen had some happy gas or they smoked something stronger than Dunhill, because that’s when it all went down hill.
In my semi comatose state and flying high, I was offered shots of Vodka and Cigarettes by Wendy and Helen – and when I said “Na ah” I was told that was a good sign, however I did manage to utter that I wanted Tequila rather than Vodka. When the ice was being rubbed on my back (water frozen in condoms) Wendy told me it was too late to use a condom, about 9 months too late. While I was in my happy place, on the bed, Wendy was threatening to get the lovely bath oil she had in the car out and go take a bath in the gigantic bath if I wasn’t going to get into it… and so it carried on and on… it was so bad at one stage Cynthia had to leave the room she was laughing so much.
I eventually made it to the bath, truth be told not after I had asked for an epidural because there was no ways I was going to be able to do this, little did I know at that stage, but you can’t ask for an epidural 30 mins before your baby is born, apparently there isn’t enough time for it to work – who the hell invented an epidural that takes longer than a minute to work? I mean seriously, don’t they know how much pain a mother is in during labour?
I wasn’t in the bath for long, before I looked at Wendy with utter desperation and told her that there was no ways she was coming out because she was TOO BIG and Wendy’s response “Push Cath, push, that means she’s here”. I honestly felt like I was going to be ripped apart, like in Alien when she is giving birth in the back of the van, but somehow I mustered up the energy and I pushed for dear life and again and then she was here, born into the water – it took me a while to register this thing I was looking at in the water was my Madame, but Wendy scooped her out and passed her to me and just like that I was a Mom.
This little blue thing lay on my chest and shuddered and with that turned pink, no crying, just looking up at me as if to say “So Mommy that’s what you look like – nice to FINALLY meet you, Im yours.” First thing I did was to check if she was still a she – yes I had my doubts, it may have been those nightmares I had a few nights before she was born – I dreamt she was a BOY!!
The first words out my mouth were not, “oh wow” or “hello” or something all sweet, it was “Look Helen she has hair, *sob* I don’t need to swap her for a gorilla” and with that the Midwife was finished! (With all the heartburn I had during my pregnancy I was gong to swap her for a Gorilla if she didn’t have hair)
I sat there with this little creature on my chest, my little creature, my Madame, my Ladybug, my Widget – whatever you want to call her. The most amazing, beautiful, perfect little thing in the world lay there looking up at me, staring at me with those beautiful big eyes. As I looked down at her, I felt my heart leave my body and start beating outside of it, I fell in love like I have never felt love before and the more I looked at her, the more perfect she became, the more in love I fell.
My little Madame was born on the 1st March 2012 at 19h29, weighing 3.51kgs and 57cm in length. She was born on Wendy’s birthday and what special day it was, not only was Wendy there the whole day, she caught her, and she cut the cord.
Will I do it again? Not a chance in hell!!!
Do I want another child? Oh hell no!!!
Would I change anything about the 1st? Absolutely not, not even the two Nuts that I had as “birthing partners” – oh wait maybe I would, I would ask for an epidural ALLOT earlier
Would I want my heart beating back inside my body? Never in a million years!
I am completely in love with this little creature, with my little Ladybug, and I keep falling more and more in love with her as the seconds march on.
** The next day it honestly felt like I had given birth through my bum… I have not clue when my body changed and I suddenly shat a baby out instead of the normal means of delivery! **