Things they DON’T tell you about being a Mom

Each day I realise there are things you learn about being a Mom. Things that no book can teach you, things that you never knew you had to know, and things that somehow you just know. So I thought I would put together a list of a few of my “favourite” things that no one tells you about when it comes to being a Mom.

  • Being a Mom gives you a free pass to discuss Poo – specifically your child’s poo – openly with other people not related to you, you discuss constancy, colour, smell, texture – you become a poo expert.
  • Being a Mom also gives you a free pass to discuss vomit openly, usually at a lunch/dinner table. Again the colour, the constancy, the orifices it came out of – you become a vomit expert too.
  • You will taste your child’s snot… although admittedly not intentionally but when a kiss gets planted on your lips with a covering of snot you need to suck it up (not literally, please NO) and deal with it!
  • You will lose ownership to your drink and your food, because it just tastes better coming from Mommy’s glass or plate even if it is exactly the same as your child’s.
  • I don’t care how mucho or posh you are, you will eat the imaginary food on the spoon and you will go “Mmmm” like it’s the bestest food in the whole wide world!
  • You WILL be judged for what you do as a Mom, how you raise your child, how you dress them, how you speak to them etc – don’t let it get to you, you are doing your best and you are doing what is best for your child.
  • Things you thought were childproof or child safe aren’t… if you think your house is childproof, go through it again and lift everything another 20 cms and lock and close everything a second time to make sure… somehow your child miraculously grows an extra 20cm when they reaching for things that aren’t allowed to be played with.
  • Your child can have all the toys in the world, the ones they will play with aren’t theirs, they not even toys for that matter, they will spend hours putting on your clothes, playing with the cutlery and crockery from the kitchen – why? Because its just so much more fun than their toys.
  • You will sound like your mother, as much as you will hate it when you say it, you will sound like her. (Grasshopper Granny’s favourite saying was “Am I talking to a brick wall?” or she would start off a sentence saying “Brickwall yadda yadda yadda” – I have my very own brick wall and yes I have used that question several times ALREADY)
  • It is possible to love someone with every fiber of your being, and fall in love with them even more each day – your heart is that big, and it will get bigger.

These are just some of the things they don’t tell you when you read all the books, but at the end of the day, it makes you stronger and a better Mom – ok maybe not the whole snot thing *eeeuuuwwww*


One thought on “Things they DON’T tell you about being a Mom

  1. Marija jerkovic says:

    hahhahhah brilliant and so true!!! yes listen to yourself you raise an awesome kid!!

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