I made the choice, don’t take it out on her!

I don’t often use this blog to vent or rant, except when I am in utter disbelief of the narrow mindedness of people (example the Australian Embassy). I also don’t often use this blog to bring up religion because I respect the fact that not all my readers are of the same religion as me, however, there comes a time when religion and narrow mindedness blend into one and a vent and rant is needed!

I am not claiming to be the most religious person in the world, I won’t return early from holiday to go to church, I won’t go to church when I feel ill or semi dying. But I do attend church. This particular church I started attending in 1999, I was very involved back then. It was mostly my working with kids at the church that steered me in the direction of teaching all those years ago before I joined the corporate world. I served in the children’s ministries for years until I moved away, it became harder to attend a church over 40kms away. I have been back a couple of times on and off since I left, sometimes for long periods, sometimes a visit or two, sometimes leaving because when I turned to them for support, I was left hanging. I have watched the church grow from humble beginnings of maybe 400 people and 1 service a Sunday to 4 campuses (and more to come in September) with up to 3 services on a Sunday. I have bought family and friends to this church over the years and I consider this church to be “my church”.

I have been attending regularly with Ladybug for some time now, it took me a while to go back after the first time I took Ladybug because one of the “respected” staff of the church made the comment of “I see you up to your old tricks” when she found out I was a Single Mom – she basically was implying I was a whore. I put that comment aside and went back and I made a point of going to the early service as not to see her. Since being back I have even offered to get involved in the children’s ministries again and I’m actually quite excited about it, but now I am questioning everything, because once again I’m being judged for being a Single Mom except this time by a church, by a bunch of “Christians”.

In May I found out Ladybug’s Godmother, Sarah, is coming out to South Africa for 10 days in August. Now none of Ladybug’s Godparents live in South Africa, so when I found out Sarah was coming out, I figured that this was the best time to get Ladybug dedicated (Child dedication signifies the commitment of parents (including single parents) to do their best to raise their child to be a follower of Christ) – and seeing as Sarah is a very  special spethal Godmother its perfect.

Now there is allot of planning that needs to be done, as the day we have identified is the day that Sarah is also flying back to the UK so we on a bit of a tight timeline so we need to make sure everything will go according to plan. I got hold of the church on the 16th of May about the dedication, about the Pastor making an exception and doing it on this particular Sunday. I got an email back that day saying they do make exceptions especially when overseas family are involved and then it came… the details for Ladybug, including my Husband’s name. I sent back the email confirming the date and all the details, sans a husband’s name. And since the 17th May SILENCE… Despite me following up, despite me asking if there is a problem – because I know what the problem is – nothing, just silence.

You see, the problem is I’m a single Mom. I have had a child out of wedlock – oh no *shudder*! Let’s make one thing clear right here right now. I CHOSE to have Ladybug. Marrying her father then and now is not an option, never will be. Being in a relationship her father is not an option. I raise Ladybug on my own, I do not live with another man under our roof (or his for that matter), hell I’m not even dating/seeing or involved with anyone. I am human though, I slept with a guy (who I was seeing at the time) tequila blurred the being responsible factor and I fell pregnant, sure we weren’t married, sure we shouldn’t have, but I’m human and it’s the best mistake I ever made! The thing is I made a choice to keep Ladybug, I made a choice to be a single Mom.

Because of that choice, my child must “suffer”, my child whose only sin is being far too damn clever for her own good (and the lack of knowledge as to where HER nose is), cannot be dedicated because I’m a single mom. My child cannot be dedicated because of a choice I made, not her. Would it have been more acceptable by the church if I had an abortion when I found out I was pregnant? Would that have made it more “Christian like” in their eyes? Well that wasn’t going to happen, I wanted to be a Mom. I had started the adoption process a few months before I found out I was pregnant (isn’t that the case most of the time). If I had a successful placement, would my child then have been allowed to have a dedication? Would that have been acceptable in the church’s eyes? I would still have been a Single Mom, only difference is I would not have given birth.

I made the choice to have Ladybug, I made the choice to be a Single Mom, don’t take it out on her! (Wo)man up and have the balls to tell me the REAL reason why you wont allow her to be dedicated, dont just ignore my email because ignoring the situation doesnt make it go away, it doesnt make you the better person either. Tell me that you’ve judged me for being a Single Mom and THAT is why Ladybug cant be dedicated.  Tell me its because I chose to keep her, to raise her, to love her, to be her everything… I will then tell you that I wouldn’t have it any other way, that I am the most blessed person alive to have her in my life!



One thought on “I made the choice, don’t take it out on her!

  1. Charlotte aka The Stiletto Mum says:

    I get it and it fucking sucks and I get to say it because I had a similar thing with Lorelai. Her dad and I wanted to get her christened but the church made an issue about the fact that we were not married, they were willing to to do it with either one of us both not both. A year later we were completely split up and he wanted it to happen, he even offered that I do it on my own and I refused. We were both parents and we are raising her together. The church made more issues and how the people of the church will feel about it and finally I told our pastor that on sunday morning when he has if anyone has anything to say, I will get up and to the front and tell the entire church a little story about how I was apparently being judged by them and would they please indicate to me who feels that my daughter should not be christened because I’m a single parent with 2 kids from 2 father. That sunday morning my daughter was christened.

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