I won, but at a cost!

Friday we got our visas for Australia. But instead of being over the moon, I burst into tears. It meant the battle was over, I had won. I posted a blog about the antics of the Australian Embassy, but it was a totally different story off line and reality was far worse than some motivational letter I had to write.

I was called a liar, I was ridiculed, judged and all because I am a single mom. I was told that a birth certificate, medical records and affidavit were not enough evidence that I was a single Mom. I was asked again and again if I was sure there was no father. I was TOLD that it cannot be true and that there HAS TO BE a father because she is so young. It was implied that I had to manufacture a father for her because it is impossible to be a single mother in today’s day and age.

I was asked if I was sure that this was my “story” and if I wanted to stick with it. When I said they should phone the midwife to confirm my “story” of being a single mother they told me they didn’t have the time to phone everyone in the world to confirm if my “story” is true or not. I was asked again and again what I mean when I say there is no father and how could he possibly not be in our lives.

I made a decision in June 2011 that I was going to be a single Mom and that I was going to raise Ladybug on my ace. I didn’t even tell her father until I was about 5 months pregnant. It is a decision I made and one that I have stuck to. I knew it was going to be a bumpy road doing this on my own, I knew I would get judged for it, I knew that it would be tiring and that I would need to make the best out of our situation.

Knowing all this, I NEVER expected an embassy to make me feel like shit about my decision. They have successfully managed to destroy all excitement I had for our first holiday overseas, the first meeting of Grasshopper Granny and her first Christmas. It has been an uphill battle since July. At one stage I had to prepare my Mom and tell her that we might not be coming through to Australia and it honestly felt like that.

As the days ticked by, I got more depressed about the whole thing and I wanted to skip Christmas all together (which is so not me, because I LOVE Christmas). I even had to tell my Mom to stop talking about us and Australia; it was the only way I knew how to cope. As days turned into weeks, I started looking at alternatives and other ideas for her first Christmas; half-heartedly because I didn’t really want to admit that her first Christmas was going to be stuffed up.

Getting that visa was a relief of months and weeks of stress, depression and anxiety, it was finally all over, and now, I guess I can start looking forward to going to Australia with Ladybug.

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5 thoughts on “I won, but at a cost!

  1. katarina says:

    Being a single mom is hard and tough, but you know its worth all the blood, sweat and tears you put in to raise your little one. I have been 7 years single mom. The father is nowhere in sight. And still today i get how can you be single mom? she needs a father!! (why does she need a dad when he left her) .. i look at mine and she smiles at me and i know i am doing one fucken awesome job!! and the hugs and kisses and when she says i love you. That beats anything. Its worth everything. Keep your head up high and you know where to find me. Love to you both

  2. Anna Marie says:

    Cass I admire you and the strength it takes to be a single mom! You should have been applauded not ridiculed, wish there was a way to help the hurt by caused by unfeeling robots go away but nothing no one say will ever make that better!! please know that there are many of us out here that applaud you and the love and commitment you have to your child!

    love
    Anna Marie

  3. The Blessed Barrenness says:

    Kudos to you for the choices you’ve made!
    Being a mother is already the hardest thing I’ve ever done so I really admire your strength for going it alone! Respect sister!

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